Last night I had an interesting dream. It was full of beautiful ocean scenes and lovely, kind people. Toward the end I had this rushing, roller coaster “tug on your stomach” feeling and I awoke with the words “del mar” on my lips.
It was a very happy, wonderful feeling.
And I realized, how vitally important it is for me to live “del mar” — or by the sea.
The last few weeks have been minorly stressful as I have been aware that my time here in Korea Town is quickly coming to an end. I’ve been reducing my belongings to match that transition and make it as smooth and mobile as possible. But I’ve also been carrying a slight undercurrent of stress or anxiety too. Today I sit, feeling clear and free, in appreciation for the contrast of the last few weeks.
My clarity started coming to me the last Saturday when I visited the beach for the first time in many weeks. It was such a joy to be there, to see my dear friend the ocean, to walk along the sand and feel the fresh ocean air. While I was there I remembered something quite profound.
In younger years I was in a workshop once where they asked us to draw out one of our life dreams. I sat for 5 minutes or more with absolutely nothing coming to me. Not a single dream. See growing up I had never aspired to anything. I guess I didn’t know what was possible and didn’t feel worthy, since I live mostly in fear. But I just sat there and eventually, something wonderful came to me.
Beach front property!
And I drew it. A house sitting high up on the beach, with mountains surrounding it on the back side and the ocean at front. That was where I wanted to live. And being at the beach on Saturday reminded me of this again. This that was my first ever and longest life dream.
And oddly enough today, this is still my most important life dream. I don’t need to own, I just need to live by the sea.
So when I awoke this morning with “del mar” on my lips, I felt new clarity about my new home, of what I want to feel with it. More clear than ever before. And I wrote down what I know I have put in store for myself, thanks to the contrast of the last few months.
Here is that list:
- Close by the ocean
- Close to everything I want to do, people I love and enjoy
- Free, happy and secure
- Peaceful, quiet and at home
- Love, joy and excitement at being there
- Clean, bright, open and sunny
- Long-term and stable
- Connected to the place and surroundings, like I belong to it and it to me
In writing all this down I was aware of something quite grand — that the writing down is simply and expression of my knowing what I have already created and put in motion and not the creating itself. It’s an affirmation of sorts, a summoning spell, noting my clarity and readiness to receive that which my contrast and challenges have already been asking for.
For this, I have deep appreciation and already feel the excitement of my new place.
Let it be so. This or something better!
